6 Seconds: Passionate Relationship

Six Seconds to a Passionate Relationship

HOW long is it since you experienced a little excitement in your relationship? How long since you felt that romantic spark that made you long to get home to your partner, knowing that you would be greeted with love and affection? For many couples, these feelings are a distant memory. They seem to be drowned by routines and trivialities. We blame our hectic lifestyles for the lack of love and affection in our lives. Can we find a solution that our schedules can tolerate?

One of the most common complaints couples have is that their deep connection is gone. It has turned into a relationship without closeness and intimacy. In this situation it becomes easy to find irritating things about your partner. Eventually you might avoid conversation altogether, as too many bitter words and accusations have been thrown around. Even when you try to make peace you quickly end up in a new conflict, and the distance between you and your partner increases. What do you have to lose?

The Gottmann Institute has been performing relationship research and counseling for decades, and recommends a quick and effective route out of this predicament. The method, which has made a surprising level of difference in couples who felt that their relationship lacked intimacy, is called “the six second kiss.” It sounds too good to be true. Can anything be fixed in six seconds? I invite you and your partner to find out, by making the following your routine.

Every morning when parting, you shall give each other a passionate six second kiss. Likewise, every afternoon you shall meet each other with six seconds of passion. Twelve seconds a day, we can all find time for that. The magic is that a kiss has a level of intimacy that words cannot reach. It is often easier to connect through touch and body than with words. Kisses have the power to make us feel loved and instinctively make us respond lovingly back. Passionate kisses with physical contact also set in motion a series of physiological process. They encourage amorous feelings. A cascade of good feeling chemicals such as: serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin are released.

Six seconds is enough to replace distance and stress, with a new feeling of intimacy and love. So accept my invitation. What do you have lose? Twelve seconds? But there is so much more to gain. tj

The complete article can be found in Issue #275 of the Tokyo Journal. Click here to order.


Written By:

Bianca Schmidt

Tokyo Journal columnist Bianca Schmidt is a psychotherapist and sexologist who writes a column in Norway's largest newspaper VG and in the gestalt psychotherapy magazine. The Oslo, Norway native came up with the idea for the development and cast of a TV documentary about transgender issues. In 2010, the program won the Gullruten, the Norwegian equivalent of the Emmy Award. That same year, the series won the Gay Award in Norway. Bianca is quoted as a specialist on psychological and relational issues by newspapers, magazines and TV programs in Norway, and also makes appearances as an inspirational speaker on a wide range of topics. In 1997, Bianca founded the Gestaltsenter in Oslo, where she still meets clients. She has a passion for making a positive shift and difference in people's lives.


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